Toyota Tundra Forum

I saw the swine flu jokes above, and thought I'd share this one with you (and while I don't think I have, please forgive me if I've already posted this somewhere here, lol!).

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2007 Tundra Limited Double Cab 4x4 Super White
Volant CAI
Pioneer AVIC Z-2 (hard drive upgrade to AVIC Z-3)
Key FOB Tailgate Lock (courtesy of Toxarch)
OEM back-up camera w/flip down monitor microswitch mod
Sirius Satellite Radio
WeatherTech Floor Liners
20" OEM alloy wheels
Line-X Bed liner
UWS Black Powdercoat Low Profile Toolbox
DU-HA underseat storage unit
JC Whitney Black Nerf Bars
Lund Interceptor II Bug Shield
Tekonsha Voyager Brake Controller

As a young bagpiper, I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man, with no family or friends.

The funeral was to be held at a cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost and being a typical man did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew, who were eating lunch, but the hearse was nowhere in sight.

I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and stepped to the side of the open grave, where I saw the vault lid already in place.

I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I played out my heart and soul.

As I played the workers began to weep. I played, and I played, like I'd never played before: from "My Home" and "The Lord Is My Shepherd" to "Flowers of the Forest" .... I closed the lengthy session with "Amazing Grace" and walked to my car.

As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another,

"Jeezuz, Mary'n Joseph, I never seen nothin' like that before - and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

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'10 CM SR5 4x2, S.A. Built & Purchased Sept '09, 5.7L, Sandy Beach Metallic, Drug Information in Lay Language

Dear madam:

Thank you for your recent order from our sex toys website.

You've requested the large red vibrator as featured on our wall display photo.

Please select another item.

That's our fire extinguisher.

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Any questions about truck mods I have done need to be asked in the forums. Don't send me a private message about mods cause I probably won't answer that PM unless there is money involved.

2007 SR5 Crewmax 5.7L 4x4
Mods: nerf bars, Truxedo tonneau, radar detector power, 3M clear bra, fog lights, black billet grille, rear differential breather, parking sensors, Line-X, power tailgate lock, hood safety latch mod, one off driving lights behind grille, Pioneer NAV w/ OEM camera, Flowmaster 50 SUV dual/dual, blue LED dash lights, Volant CAI, Llumar tint, CompuStar Pro alarm, ProComp 6066 20" wheels, Cooper Zeon LTZ 275/60/20 tires, OME HD coilover lift, Firestone helper air bags, 55w reverse lights, stereo cable lock, Tekonsha P3 brake controller, colormatched exterior parts (de-chromed truck), eDead sound proofing, CDT Audio speakers, Custom made speaker brackets, Weathertech floor mats
All mod descriptions and pictures © 2007-2009 by Toxarch. They may be copied only for personal use and the mods may be done for non-profit only.

How the Bush Administration Changes a Light Bulb
How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?
1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;
4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark;
8. One to viciously smear #7;
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;
10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

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No offense intended to our northern TTZ'ers, lol!

A very gentle Texas lady was driving across a high bridge in Texas one day. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin' (means 'getting ready to' in Texas ) to jump. She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, "Please don't jump, think of your dear mother and father."

He replied, "Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to jump."

She said, "Well, think of your wife and children."

He replied, "I'm not married and I don't have any kids.."

She said, "Well, Remember the Alamo ."

He replied, ''What the heck is the Alamo?''

She replied, ''Well bless your heart, just go ahead and jump, I didn't realize you were a Yankee.''

One Texas Soldier


A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune. "One Texas soldier is better than ten Taliban".
The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice then calls out "One Texan is better than one hundred Taliban".
Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The Texan voice calls out again "One Texan is better than one thousand Taliban".
The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence. Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, its a trap. There's actually two of them."

Good one re.ac.tor!

A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the hunter's wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a troubling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife cried, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said the husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."

**Russian and a Redneck wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic
gold medal. Before the final match, the Redneck wrestler's trainer came
to him and said 'Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this
Russian. He's never lost a match because of this pretzel hold he has.
Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're
finished.' The redneck nodded in acknowledgment.

As the match started, the Redneck and the Russian circled each other
several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian
lunged forward, grabbing the Redneck and wrapping him up in the dreaded
pretzel hold.

A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his
face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the
inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a Long, High Pitched Scream, then a cheer from the
crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian
go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the
Redneck collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.
The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, he
asked 'How did you ever get out of that hold?

No one has ever done it before !' The wrestler answered 'Well, I was
ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I
opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face.
I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out
my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.' The trainer
exclaimed 'That's what finished him off ?'

'Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own
nuts!'