Toyota Tundra Forum

A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding. "Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?"

The bride to be said, "A long frilly white dress with a veil."

The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?''

"Well," replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride. You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel. My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again."

''What about your third husband?" asked the sales clerk.

"That one was a Democrat," said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened."

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2007 Tundra Limited Double Cab 4x4 Super White
Volant CAI
Pioneer AVIC Z-2 (hard drive upgrade to AVIC Z-3)
Key FOB Tailgate Lock (courtesy of Toxarch)
OEM back-up camera w/flip down monitor microswitch mod
Sirius Satellite Radio
WeatherTech Floor Liners
20" OEM alloy wheels
Line-X Bed liner
UWS Black Powdercoat Low Profile Toolbox
DU-HA underseat storage unit
JC Whitney Black Nerf Bars
Lund Interceptor II Bug Shield
Tekonsha Voyager Brake Controller

An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says:

"Ah, you're an engineer, but you worked for a high-tech startup company and got rich. You've had too good of a life, so now you can't come in here."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators. The computers are all upgraded and there are speaker wires running to every room. Even the clocks on the VCRs are set. The engineer becomes a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says,

"So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators. The computers are faster than ever and we've got music in every room.There's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake, he should never have gotten down there! Send him up here-NOW."

Satan shouts back, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right....and just where are YOU going to find a lawyer?"

NOW THAT IS FUNNY

No one has ever done it before !' The wrestler answered 'Well, I was
ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I
opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face.
I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out
my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.' The trainer
exclaimed 'That's what finished him off ?'

'Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own
nuts!'

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact, " Marion ... Marion! "

"Is that you, Bob?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course .. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, Bob you must be in Heaven!"

"Not exactly ... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona ."

LOL! I didn't see that one coming!

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07 DC SR5 Long Bed Desert Pyrite Mica, folding rear seat mod, Raptor step bars, OEM back-up camera, "iPod in the ashtray", Toytec 3" leveling kit

Dan the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets', and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to each of his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so Dan could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now Dan could sit on the porch and fill-out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

The farmer's favorite rooster was Old Butch, and a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning Dan noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer Dan’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He would sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. Dan was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the State Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result...the judges not only awarded Old Butch the No-Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well. Soon after, the Democrats recognized Old Butch as the Democrat of the Year... after all, he had won two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet, and he did so by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

ROFL! That was good.

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2007 SR5 Crewmax 5.7L 4x4
Mods: nerf bars, Truxedo tonneau, radar detector power, 3M clear bra, fog lights, black billet grille, rear differential breather, parking sensors, Line-X, power tailgate lock, hood safety latch mod, one off driving lights behind grille, Pioneer NAV w/ OEM camera, Flowmaster 50 SUV dual/dual, blue LED dash lights, Volant CAI, Llumar tint, CompuStar Pro alarm, ProComp 6066 20" wheels, Cooper Zeon LTZ 275/60/20 tires, OME HD coilover lift, Firestone helper air bags, stereo cable lock, Tekonsha P3 brake controller
All mod descriptions and pictures © 2007-2009 by Toxarch. They may be copied only for personal use and the mods may be done for non-profit only.

Nice rarjar!

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'10 CM SR5 4x2, S.A. Built & Purchased Sept '09, 5.7L, Sandy Beach Metallic, Drug Information in Lay Language

Reasons to stay at work all night
1. Act out your version of a company takeover.
2. Find a way to change everyone's password to "chrysanthemum".
3. Around 3:20am, play connect-the-dots with lights still on in other office buildings. Keep going until you see a small woodland creature.
4. Sneaking in the boss's desk could land you an unexpected promotion.
5. Draw stick people in all the landscape pictures on the walls, and in the morning, be the first to point out "what a terrible thing that someone did this to such beautiful works of art".
6. Go into the other gender's bathroom without fear of being caught.
7. Run up and down the hallways screaming, hoping security will come so you can have someone to talk to.
8. Leave prank messages on the CEO's voice mail.
9. Finally, a chance to live out a dream and pretend to be your boss.
10. Elevator surfing!

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired, "Where have you been?"

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put life on it... I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things."

God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"

"That's Washington State, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of software."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance."

God smiled, "There's another Washington. Wait till you see the idiots I put there."